So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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