well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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