maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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