it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
