Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
