I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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