Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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