You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize