So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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