11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
