Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
