dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
