Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
