The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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