cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have aggressive nipples.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
