Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
