there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize