He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
