she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
