ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
