someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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