I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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