Nicole vs. Life
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
