You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
