toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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