When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
