It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
