I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
