Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
