You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
