matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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