What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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