I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
