Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
