At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
