sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
