Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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