Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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