If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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