I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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