guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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