literally had 100 drinks last night.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
