I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
