I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
