i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
