my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
