Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
