i think my mom watched the whole time
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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