I want to have your abortion
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
