How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is Oprah even human
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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