when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
