i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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