Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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