My sheets look like a crime scene.
If that was your dad, he is hot
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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