i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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