everyone is single if you try hard enough
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
