when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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