She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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