Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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