I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
