I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize