dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
