Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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