But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
