there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
