nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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