my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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