my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
