i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
