its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
