i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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